3. Musings on Turfdom

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1. How to Deal with a Person Who Has No Intention of Settling a Disagreement

What do you do with someone who participates in mediation but obviously has no intention of settling the conflict? Jennifer Beer and Eileen Stief, authors of The Mediator's Handbook, the following tips for mediators:

	Protect the other parties by being careful not to ask for information that may escalate the conflict or cause legal problems.
	Don't waste time trying to cajole the person into participating.
	Try in this order: meeting with the person separately, address the problem at the table, ending the mediation.
	Be direct with the person about what you have observed. "Twice you have rejected the other person's offer and made stronger demands."
	Ask whether they are there to resolve the situation and will to work toward a resolution. Make sure you get a verbal answer.
	Encourage them to be honest. "If you don't want to continue with this, please say so."
	Ask if you can do anything to make the mediation process work better for them.
	Review their options. "What will happen if you stop mediating now?"
	When you sense that they are not interested in working toward an agreement, let them go. Don't cling on with persuasive arguments.

Key Learning Point: Although the authors aim their tips at mediators, the tips are also applicable for parties involved in a dispute. When people want to resolve conflict, mediation is a great process. However, when people really do not want to get along, there isn't much you can do, and mediation will not work. If someone perceives that they are better off fighting than cooperating, they will continue to fight. To get them to seriously mediate, you must get them to realize that they are better off working things out. Unfortunately, this isn't always easy. When someone refuses to work things out, you are wasting your time trying to coax them into mediating.

	Marvel at how often things go right.
	Allow an extra 10 minutes to get somewhere.
	Make someone else feel good.
	Accept life as it is, rather than how you demand it should be.
	When you're in a bad mood, learn to pass it off as simply that: an unavoidable human condition that will pass with time, if you leave it alone.
	Practice a gratitude meditation. Consider five things you are grateful for. Focus on the positive.

This is a step-by-step guide for improving and transforming your life. By following this month long recipe for personal development you learn to:

	Treat yourself and others with respect and dignity
	Appreciate yourself
	Focus on your strengths, capabilities, and successes
	Take the risks necessary to create the life you want
	Take responsibility for your life and gain control over you attitudes and emotions

To learn more about how you can improve your life or to order your copy today, go to:

http://www.terrybragg.com/31DaystoHighSelfEsteem.htm

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3. Musings on Turfdom

Alan Weiss, author of Million Dollar Consulting, identifies turfdom as a serious business problem. He comments: "What creates such maniacal turfdom, (viz.: defense of one's turf or presumed area of authority)? I think it's a massive insecurity and chronic unhappiness about one's sense of self. That is, if you don't know who you are and believe that others might not respect you, then you stake out tangible or intangible boundaries which you will defend to the death. Your turf becomes your identity, and is therefore to be defended against any breach. . . ."

"The more status conscious we are, and the more we believe that our business card or office dimensions authenticate our legitimacy, the more turf-sensitive and the more insecure we become. Conversely, people who are truly confident and self-possessed readily grant exceptions to policy, step out of the way if they feel they don't add value to a transaction, and never threaten to vindictively delay or subvert a deal."

"Medieval autocrats used to surround their turf with walls, moats, and buttresses. Today, confident people are comfortable with ambiguity and porous organizational boundaries."

"It's not about defending ever-shrinking turf. It's about expanding limitless horizons."

Key Learning Point: Turf wars are a common problem I face when consulting and training in both large and small organizations. They are at the root of many destructive organizational conflicts. People who stakeout and defend their turf often sacrifice the good of the organization for the individual good of the turf holder. I agree with Weiss. Turfdom is often a sign of insecurity and lack of influencing skills. The irony is that the turf defenders can damage their careers and eventually lose their turf because of their inappropriate attempts to defend their turf. To gain the support of others in business, we must break down walls and barriers and learn to influence others instead of dictating and demanding to get our way. This means we must become vulnerable and truly interested in helping others get what they want also.

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Until next time,

Terry Bragg

Terry Bragg runs a company called Peacemakers Training in Salt Lake City, Utah, and is the author of the book 31 Days to High Self-Esteem http://www.terrybragg.com/31DaystoHighSelfEsteem.htm. He works with organizations to create a workplace where people want to work, and with managers who want their people to work together better. If you want your organization or your people to have more energy, more trust, more respect, and more meaning, please contact him at:

Peacemakers Training
5485 South Chaparral Drive
Murray, Utah 84123
Telephone: 801-288-9303
E-mail: terry@terrybragg.com
Web Site: http://www.terrybragg.com

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