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The Secret to Changing Other People’s Difficult Behavior By Terry Bragg In the modern business world, we are driving each other nuts. In my management seminars, participants often ask me how they can get other people to change their negative behavior. This is a universal quest. Bosses want to change their employee’s behavior. Employees want to change their boss’ behavior. Coworkers want to change each other. Everyone wants to change someone else. Typically, when people ask about getting others to change, they are really asking how to manipulate them. They are asking: how do we get someone to do something that is in our best interest but not necessarily in their best interest? Three conditions are necessary for people to change their behavior: First, they must want to change. Second, they must know how to change. Third, They must have the opportunity to change. You can influence the second and third conditions, but you cannot force someone to want to change. In the long-run, you cannot force someone to do something if they really don’t want to do it. If you do, they will go back to the behavior they want to exhibit at the first opportunity. You can show people how to change through training and by pointing out alternatives they may not have explored. Modeling the behavior you want them to display is an excellent strategy. If you expect someone else to come to work on time, make sure you get to work on time. Practice what you preach. You can give people the opportunity to change by not stereotyping them, and by giving them time to try new behaviors and alternative ways of doing things. You reinforce and support behavioral change by recognizing small, incremental changes in behavior and then showing appreciation for those changes. You must also help them remove obstacles to changing their behavior. They must be able to change their behavior if they choose to do so. For example, if you want someone to achieve a specified level of productivity operating a piece of equipment, then the equipment must be able to operate at that level of productivity. Expecting people to do the impossible will only lead to disappointment. However, you cannot force people to want to change when they really don’t want to change. What can we do to get people to want to change? We must understand that people do things for their own reasons. People function based upon rational self-interest. We always act in our own perceived best interest. Often, people have very good reasons for displaying what other people interpret as difficult behavior. To get someone to want to change, you must show them how they benefit from the change. You must influence their perception, and show them how they will be better off doing what you want them to do than continuing their previous behavior. They will only change their behavior because of their reasons not yours. You must also be aware of possible secondary payoffs. For example, a coworker may get a secondary payoff for not getting their work done by working overtime and making more money. To get the employee to change their behavior, you must eliminate the secondary payoff, and show them that it is in their best interest to get their work done on time. People respond to positive incentives and negative sanctions—rewards and punishments, pleasure and pain. Using negative sanctions and punishments is coercion. Although pain is a powerful driver of human behavior, punishment alone usually doesn’t work to change another’s behavior. The problem with using punishment to change someone’s behavior is that people look for revenge after someone punishes them; they seek to get even. This is why employees who feel mistreated by their employers may sabotage their work. They get even by making mistakes or reducing their productivity. Instead of using punishment and negative sanctions, create conditions where people want to change voluntarily. Show them how they will benefit and make it as easy as possible for them to change. If you want someone to change their behavior, make sure they know how to behave differently, give them the opportunity to act differently, and show them how it is in their best interest to change their behavior. Perhaps then, we will stop driving each other nuts. Terry Bragg and Peacemakers Training offers a variety of tools for promoting, maintaining, and recognizing excellence in your workplace. We also offer tools for helping you achieve and maintain personal excellence. To learn more about these tools, click here: Tools for Workplace and Personal Excellence To find out more about Terry's book, 31 Days to High Self-Esteem, click here: 31 Days to High Self-Esteem To learn more about onsite seminars and workshops for improving interpersonal relationships, resolving conflict, and promoting and maintaining excellence in your workplace, click here: Seminars & Workshops ©2000 All rights reserved Terry Bragg•Peacemakers Training Terry Bragg runs a company called Peacemakers Training in Salt Lake City, Utah, and is the author of the book 31 Days to High Self-Esteem. He works with organizations to create a workplace where people want to work, and with managers who want their people to work together better. If you want your organization or your people to have more energy, more trust, more respect, and more meaning, please contact him at: Peacemakers Training Subscribe to our Free |
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